Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
