I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
