It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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