Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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