I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
