I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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