so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't think brook has ever known best
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
