Dual....:-)
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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