I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize