I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
