I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
