Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
