I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I want her autograph on my taint
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
