I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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