i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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