I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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