It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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