So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
