i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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