: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
