i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
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Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
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Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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