dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
