i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize