my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
