Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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