I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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