Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
