Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
