she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I need water and some morals
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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