I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
