Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
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So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
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I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize