Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
