I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
