I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
