i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
try to milk me bitch
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