You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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