three words: i give head
three words: not that well
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize