i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my being single is dangerous.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
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I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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