anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
