tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
