I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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