its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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