alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
