i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
