In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
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I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
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party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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