If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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