i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
