she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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