Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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