im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
