i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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