low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
