she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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