Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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