Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
