So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
