...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
