yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
