Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
