Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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